Friday Story- Popular vs. Friendship

Popular vs. Friendship

Posted: 10/16/2012

This is not a thing I like to share because, well, this is something I'll regret for the rest of my life.

I'm fat, like, not really fat but I do not have the body most girls would like to have. My first whole year of elementary I got called by names and it was not pretty, you could say I was getting bullied, I hate it that they called me fat, I just couldn't stand it, I had friends, but i wasn't enough.

A year later my friend, Luz, enter my school and I was so happy someone like me was there, but then the weirdest thing happened, I was with the in-crowd, the popular crowd, the one place I thought I could never be a part of. But there was a price. There always Is. It was lunch and Luz had already made a friend so I sat with the group, that's when I heard the comments they were saying, I might have been their target last year but this year..... It was HER. They were calling her awful names, names they used to call me, one of them say it so loud the WHOLE classroom heard, they started laughing. I was shocked. She started crying and left, and they were watching me, expectantly, like I might go after her. A true friend would. She would have gone after her careless of the world. That's the thing. I didn't. I laughed.

3rd grade I was on the top. My life changed. But not hers. She was alone, and I just watched the whole time like....like.... I didn't care. I saw what she went through, what I went through and I didn't do anything. She left. She hated me.

I'm in 8th grade now and I tell you that being a bystander and doing nothing to help another victim is awful, the sad truth is that I was bullying somehow. By not doing anything to stop it I was an attacker. Everything I went through was awful, but what she went through is worse. I hate myself for not stoping them, but you can do it, if you have a friend being bullied or you just see someone you don't know being bullied, don't hesitate on saying something.

Friendship is more important than anything. And loyalty more.

Random Act of Kindness Tuesday- Friendship

"But, Viking Mom! She's my friend!"

"Sweetheart, friends don't hurt thier friends or say unkind words to their friends."

But, Viking Mom, she always says those things."

"Sweetheart, true BFFs do not play around with words like, 'if you don't do this I won't be your friend.' That is mean and unkind."

Raise your hand if you have had similar conversations with your children?

I was completely flabbergasted when Viking Lady Bug came home in tears one day telling me that her "friend" won't be her friend if she wasn't invited to her birthday part. This particular girl has a routine of walking up to classmates and bullying them into being their friends.

I am not sure if I handled the situation with my daughter correctly. My mind went into protection mode. This being the month of National Bullying Prevention Month I have been reading a several inspirational stories about how students and adults have overcome bullying situations. A current theme in all of these stories was the power of friendship. 

We take it for granite the friends we have in our lives. But, what is a friend? 

According to Wikipedia:

"Friendship is a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other. Friendships and acquaintanceship are thought of as spanning across the same continuum. The study of friendship is included in the fields of sociology, social psychology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, including social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.

The value of friendship is often the result of friends consistently demonstrating the following:

• The tendency to desire what is best for the other
• Sympathy and empathy
• Honesty, even in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth
• Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
• Enjoyment of each other's company
• Trust in one another
• Positively strong, deep, close reciprocity, mutuality — equal give-and-take between the two parties
• The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement"

This definition seems so clinical but in honesty these are qualities of a good friend. 

In my classroom I have worked with Autistic students about the qualities of a good friend. We have discussed what a toxic friend is and how that is a form of bullying. One of my students coined the phrase, "Energy Vampires." These "friends" suck the energy out of someone without taking the time to reciprocate the emotions or energies. 

In one of the Inspirational stories I read on the Pacer's National Bullying Prevention Month a young survivor of bullying credits his solid friendship with his friend for helping him struggle through the emotional roller coaster of the incident. 

Now, that is a sign of a true friend. 

Bless Bless